unfinished music

At 5'6" , a pale complexion and cropped black hair, she was not overtly attractive and her rather aloofness at times and mysterious ways , earned her few friends. She spent most of her growing up years being locked in her room and pursuing her few interests. Indifferent as she was to most things around her, she was glad to be in a city that was a melting pot of cultures and let her be .Rock music had been her greatest influence and takeback from the city that was not too kind to her non- conventional ways.It was during college that her taste for music and art took on a new level and was the time for her individuality to come through. She plunged into music in a big way, forming a small music band of her own of which she was the vocalist and the lead guitarist . Her smooth velvety , if a little husky voice was the biggest draw for a college band . The other band members included a childhood friend of hers, Ryan, Tall, lanky and  boyish handsomely - the perfect textbook rockstar and on the contrary an oil soaked hair and granddad bespectacled boy she met in college and did not talk to much but knew to be brilliant at his music. He played the drums for the band and knew his job well.

Sure, the bands had humble beginnings but with Maya’s unflinching efforts and a natural inclination for art and a family gift for business, she conceptualized and executed everything right from the promotional material for their performance to the theme of their concerts from scratch. If the band had growing pains, she took it upon herself to counteract them all. If the band had detractors,she silenced them with her brilliance at her music. The first gig, had mixed reactions. They pulled up some of their own compositions as well as covering popular rock classics like " roadhouse blues" " We're the champions" etc to more heavy and darker stuff from heavy metal bands. She shone through the band and soon a little rock star from nowhere was born. It was after the gig that the band and a few others decided to celebrate the little victory by hitting the beach in the warm summer month of April. Beach in India is synonymous to Goa and sure enough, the next night , Maya and her entourage were off on a vacation to the original land of sun, sand and surf. The next few days saw them submit themselves to the signature contradiction of serene calm and infectious energy of Goa where time did not matter and the senses came to life . The nights had the group letting their hair down and exploring every place in town.

It was at the party that she had her first orientation of that side of the world she knew existed and deep down wished to explore but had apprehensions to given her rather modest background and her level head. But tonight was the night of throwing caution to the winds and a day she decided "she'll do whatever it takes to..." . Ryan , was missing from the party for a long time and Maya had been aware of it. She needed to find him now. The inebriation of the alcohol and the greater high of the music , she preferred to call spiritual , spurred her on to find him and complete a night of celebration of their music together. She excused herself from the group and made towards the ladies' room and found Ryan slouching by the wall and deeply sunken in a trance, she knew only too well but chose to not name. Before she could say anything to him, Ryan saw her looking at her and spoke almost like a song to her " See I think drugs have done some good things for us, I really do, and if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor: go home tonight and take all your albums, all your tapes, and all your cds and burn 'em. 'cause you know the musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years.... " Well now that she had seen him do it and was quite not in her senses herself, she could not control it anymore and found herself being pulled into the same world of mystery and dark charm. Ryan showed her the ropes and she was only thankful to be learning the art of losing sanity from the only one sane person she would trust. Ryan and Maya took turns in letting their senses devour the new experience of a new high and let themselves to be lost to the most out of world sensations they had ever felt. Their world was soon like a kaleidoscope played in 3D, like rains were suddenly colorful and the earth seemed to be turning on its axis and the two in a symphony of timeless energy. They woke up in the small hours of the next morning in the back of a cab that the group had been sensible enough to hire to take them back to the hotel. Neither chose to acknowledge and talk about what transpired between them . Back in the city, the group continued to make music and took their reach to a new level by participating in local rock festivals and contests. The group starting to gain popularity in the local rock scene and being one of the few bands to have a female vocalist and guitarist added to their appeal.
Finally it was the evening they had been waiting for all these months. It was one of the biggest rock festivals in the city and Mayas' band had made it to the finals. Maya was in the dressing room. Pulling on a black stocking that went well with her ragged denim shorts and military pattern vest . She was feeling the tattoo she had once, considered worthy of the pain it inflicted on her and all those years of veiling from the world.

The crowd was raring to see one of their favorite homegrown bands on stage. The energy was infectious.It was a dark and stormy night, but the roars of the crowd nearly drowned the thunder in the sky and the number of black shirts gave a stiff competition to the ominous looking clouds in the all familiar Bangalore sky that evening. Maya, Ryan and Deb came on stage and performed their best numbers that the audience lapped up and soon anarchy prevailed for the next couple of hours. They finished the evening with " I want to break free" of which the smooth riffing and the passionate lyrics could only rather be felt in the goosebumps the crowd experienced, rather than heard. She had to tell him now. Tell him how everything was perfect around them and how they completed each other and were meant to be and the thousands of people had approved their union tonight in the form of their support for the music they created together. She ran back to the to the green room, soaked from perspiration and the rain and exhausted but feeling more alive than ever. Maya saw the guy she had just reiterated her love, devotion and craving for. Ryan was in a embrace with a girl he had just got himself engaged to. The ring on his finger could have been the stagger that did her in.

The memories of her childhood came waving past in those painful moments. The day she saw him for the first time in school. She slumped down on the floor and snapped out the heart shape pendant in her long link of chains with Ryan's photo ensconced in it . She was suddenly the nerd and the unattractive girl who he never gave a second look to except to share school notes.The images of that day came flushing past her already hot cheeks, when at the age of 12, she spent all her pocket money to buy a guitar and joined classes on the sly to learn to play his favorite song to him some day. She did not know what was more painful. The day she got herself inked forever with his name on her chest or today when the same spot was piercing herself like a branded curse.Today she was the star. She had thousands swooning to her voice and her music, but the star of her life going away from her universe forever. Seeing Ryan become someone else's now , sucked her own entity from her own body tonight. It reminded her of the day she decided to be in a band to be near the man who completed the melody in her music .

That clear and humid night in Goa had overpowered the dark and stormy night of today when she discovered her love was only a distant fantasy- a mirage- Unreal and unattainable. That Maya had won the best female rock star and was being called on stage did not matter anymore. Her name only sounded like a far echo of what she was in his shadows. The thumping in her heart today had subdued Deb's mastery of the drums. She knew she had lost the only gift that her music presented her and that she was going to end herself to let her soul take her back to that night which made her life worth living . It was a dark and stormy night. The last one for her. Her music remained incomplete , but the melody resounded...