I am probably high at this moment.
It's this blissful blur interspersed with a sense of peace in my head and yet a state in which I'm clearer than I otherwise I am, that I needed.
I'm listening to Phish....On loop...the laptop screen's light glowing white in a pitchdark room like it's the full moon that has shifted a few inches in from the terrace into the room. The terrace. I was there just a few minutes, maybe an hour back. I don't know. Time seems immaterial on weekends. A few friends were over and we smoked some sheesha and had dinner here.
This terrace outside my room is a trap. It's high, high, above a whole world and right below another. It affords a view of the vast city ahead, like really glittery blur over as far as the eyes can see over a dark black sky. I've spent hundreds of nights here, with people, with special people, but mostly alone, standing at the boundary, resting my chin on the high wall, gazing out at the amazing panaroma beyond but mainly peeking into my own head.
I feel lucky to have a space so surreal, yet so real right in the heart of an urban landscape.
But I digress. I can probably sing eulogies of this terrace, but that's not the point.
What then is?
Point is clarity in my head. Of decisions to make. Decisions that I need to make within a few days, that would probably have ramifications on the rest of my life.
Not knowing if I'll have this terrace in a month. Or two.
Sometimes I feel adventurous and I want to take my chances. Roll up my sleeves at life and go "bring it on, bitch". At times, I just need to hold on to everything close to me, even closer and never let go.
I'd call it stuck in a permanent state of transience.
Is the alternative worth losing the current over....I ask myself...Or will I never know what I've been missing if I didn't quit being a stickler? ( Now that's a paradox)
I don't know man, but tell me there is a technology that can transport entire houses, without any of the other things from the place that they made you stay in it?
I'm rambling. I should probably get some sleep. I'll probably take my mattress out and sleep on the terrace tonight like I've done many nights before. Sleeping under the stars, with that breeze kissing my body, along with a few hundred mosquitoes for company.
Maybe the decision will come by more clearly. Maybe i'll fall into a bottomless pit of sleep.
It'd be nice if I could get into the head of someone with the power to make me not have to make this decision and make them see this.
Maybe even bribe them with the idea of spending a night or two, right here.
It's this blissful blur interspersed with a sense of peace in my head and yet a state in which I'm clearer than I otherwise I am, that I needed.
I'm listening to Phish....On loop...the laptop screen's light glowing white in a pitchdark room like it's the full moon that has shifted a few inches in from the terrace into the room. The terrace. I was there just a few minutes, maybe an hour back. I don't know. Time seems immaterial on weekends. A few friends were over and we smoked some sheesha and had dinner here.
This terrace outside my room is a trap. It's high, high, above a whole world and right below another. It affords a view of the vast city ahead, like really glittery blur over as far as the eyes can see over a dark black sky. I've spent hundreds of nights here, with people, with special people, but mostly alone, standing at the boundary, resting my chin on the high wall, gazing out at the amazing panaroma beyond but mainly peeking into my own head.
I feel lucky to have a space so surreal, yet so real right in the heart of an urban landscape.
But I digress. I can probably sing eulogies of this terrace, but that's not the point.
What then is?
Point is clarity in my head. Of decisions to make. Decisions that I need to make within a few days, that would probably have ramifications on the rest of my life.
Not knowing if I'll have this terrace in a month. Or two.
Sometimes I feel adventurous and I want to take my chances. Roll up my sleeves at life and go "bring it on, bitch". At times, I just need to hold on to everything close to me, even closer and never let go.
I'd call it stuck in a permanent state of transience.
Is the alternative worth losing the current over....I ask myself...Or will I never know what I've been missing if I didn't quit being a stickler? ( Now that's a paradox)
I don't know man, but tell me there is a technology that can transport entire houses, without any of the other things from the place that they made you stay in it?
I'm rambling. I should probably get some sleep. I'll probably take my mattress out and sleep on the terrace tonight like I've done many nights before. Sleeping under the stars, with that breeze kissing my body, along with a few hundred mosquitoes for company.
Maybe the decision will come by more clearly. Maybe i'll fall into a bottomless pit of sleep.
It'd be nice if I could get into the head of someone with the power to make me not have to make this decision and make them see this.
Maybe even bribe them with the idea of spending a night or two, right here.
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