10 commandments on how to ensure You have arrived on the net. (with no reference to fishnet. However that helps too)

It's the age of the internet. And if you don't pick up the ropes of social networking online fast online, chances are it's probably going to reflect on your "real' life! So " Suit up" ( Barney would say!) for the big, bad world of online popularity and in no time you'll find yourself on the top webpage of celebritydom. ( equivalent of 'page-3 in real life)

1) Thou shalt have the most skimpily dressed pic of yours on the profile. Preferably something in pink.Even if you prefer the humble salwar-chridar in normal life. A close alternative is an emo/rebel/deep profile , perfected in photoshop.

2) thou shalt pose with opposite sex in that pink dress pic. It doesn't matter if you’ve met the said member of opposite sex 5 minutes before or you think he’s the provincial dropping of a bird.

3) Thou shalt pout a perfect O in the camera and stick your butt out in the 80 degree gravity defying angle. Oh and master to form the " V" sign well even if you don't know what it stands for.

4) Thou shalt. Repeat with me only post the pics of you having a ball at the snippest club in town. Never mind if you don’t know if the music is Putumayo or Britney spears. Even better grab a drink from the neighbour or just steal an empty glass.

5) Thou shalt state this on your profile “ I'm here just for friends . Strangers please no requests” but you must check out people on “are you interested and send them a drink and ‘other gifts'.

6) Thou shalt have 863+ friends in your list. Remember you don't have to know all from adams. Remember high school, when kids from highest number of donors for the school fiesta got an award ?

7) Thou shalt call 'my'- “mah”..( evinces certain maternal instincts I suppose )

8) Thou shalt update your mental/physical/spiritual/anal status every minute . that’ll get you comments and attention. Learn with me. “ Miss oh-so-delicate just had a burp. “ I think I just gave myelf a wedgie ” . " My guy gifted me the cutest pink dress ever ! I love you my sweetamuffincupcakewithchocochips"

9) Thou shalt join groups like “ I love Prada” .Btw it’s prounounced Pra-da as in dada and not as in dog.Like You wouldnt know that! so duh of me ! umm how'd you make that icon of feeling silly again?

10) Finally thou shalt write me the kewlest testimonial/comments after reading this. Peppered with lots of *mwahs* and * hugzz* and maybe funny enough to earn a *lolzz* from me would help.

Source: Months of passive subjection to the breed of people/fellow facebookers who could write a bible about what i could only manage 10 commandments!damn.