Sep 15, 2011

Hey, i-want-to-be-famous-too letter, to Delhi and outside-of-delhi boys and girls.

Dear ignorant Indian,

I'm not a Delhi boy. I'm not even a Delhi girl. I'm a Marwadi, who has lived in 5 different cities in the north before settling down in Bangalore & currently living in Hyderabad- the inbetweener of the north & the south . Hey surprise surprise, I'm not sitting in my bandhej sari tending to my 5 kids and store-owner husband, feeding them Daal-baati as i write this.

So aiyyo yaar, please don't generalize or go meet some people, real people and expand your horizons in the national capital, rather than immaturely lashing out at an entire chunk of the country. Don't call yourself broad-minded, educated and then go right ahead and kill that by propagating, and cashing in on a stereotype. And know what ? As a friendly advice from someone living in a city away from home from 2 years, just like you, if you don't like the heat, get out of the kitchen. The Punjabi kitchen can be quite ruthless with the aroma of its delicious paranthas and rajma chawl and the ocassional sambar.

South indians are intelligent yes, they crack IIT yes, most of them are engineers yes, but know where the largest number of IIT candidates come from ? Rajasthan. You know where most of the IAS officers come from? Bihar. The land of Lalu. Know where most of your rice, cotton, sugar and aata comes from? Your friendly plough-wieding Punjabi .While South Indians, I'll admit the intellectual lot of the country, do their tech from texas and make $$$ , your dear crude , Non-English Speaking, punjabi brethren , serve the army, serve the people in gurudwaras, serve the people with cold sherbat in hot delhi summers , all free , all without expecting an idli in return, while I can't recall a single time I would've been invited over for lunch at a single South Indian home after so many years in Bangalore.

All South indians are not dark, that's a myth you're propagating , yourself .The colour of your skin is not determined by the location in the country. I am a north Indian. I am dark too, like you . I have had north Indian friends/boyfriends who have no issues with a dark complexion, so go ahead dump that insecurity. Being aesthetically inclined is barely a regional trait. Most of my south Indian friends are fair. In fact you could find the fairest people in the southmost of the country-Kerala.

As much as I enjoy intelligent conversation, that goes beyond the latest Fendi , honestly, I'd rather be sharing a drink & laughing over a silly joke with a Delhi or other city 'freakshow', than discussing the subprime crisis in the USA on a friday night after a 12 hour day at work . Talking of Jim Morrison, while Morrison never had a chance to perform in India, Metallica chose Delhi to do a gig. Not Mumbai. Not Chennai.

The Dehiites may wear stone-faded, ripped jeans and show off their 'clean shaven' chests and moobs in v neck tshirts, but that's still a prettier sight than a foliage of chest hair convulating in orgasmic thrusts on the big screen in some South Indian, even bhojpuri, movies.

Please don't be so narrow-minded and stupid enough to believe that English as a language is determined by a region in the country. I can introduce you to 100 people in north or even the north-east, who have much better articulation skills than 100 random people in the south . You know why? Because they went to better schools, read and generally had interest in the language. Same as their counterparts from the south . And let's not even talk about accents. " Ote for Oman' , ' Too many fleas availayole in your dog' 'My payrents are hair' ? Take your pick. It's called vernacular touch. Even you hao it. Sheet do you reeegret writing that laitor?

Please don't be so pompous as to dismiss 'Gurdass Maan' as any less of a musical talent to the punjabis than say a Rahman to the south. Even he had to get out of his regional confines in the south and explore north and the 'west' to get true appreciation of his work.

How many Southie chicks do you know learn 'Kathak' as a professional art, as opposed to the number of 'Northie chicks' that have been learning bharatnatyam since the age of 5 ?

Someone just wasted a rupee sending you that text. 'Coz sweetie listen, sending texts wishing people for their local community festivals is sweet. So is a 'Micchami dukhdam' ( Please forgive me ) sent by a marwadi Jain or a happy Onam by a Tamilian, to the rest of world . Don't be pretentious as to celebrate Christmas like you were born in Santa's sleigh and then dismiss a regional festival wish as 'uncool'.

As I read about your rant about bobby running over his girlfriend's ex, I read another news about the son of a celebrity here in the south dying in a motor bike accident. Don't even remind me of the number of potholes back home in Namma Bengaluru to which thousands of lives have been lost.

If someone doesn't like a particular food, it's because of this tiny mechanism called 'taste buds' that make them accept/reject certain food. Unfortunately, the tongue is not very geography sensitive, just conditioned by what it's subjected to all its life. Being a marwadi, i could never like 'daal baati', which some of my south indian friends adore. And clearly, you haven't heard about that small place in Uttarakhand where they serve the longest dosa or cheese dosas in Delhi ?

Remember Delhi is not a country, neither is 'South India'. Really it's 4 states and each very different from, yet same as the other. Much like any other part of India. Respect the city that earns you your living. We 'Northies' have a saying for this " Jis thaali mein Khao, usme ched mat karo'.

Muah ! ( If I don't want the Delhi guy stomping on my lips like tandoori chicken , I'd better pray that my Andhra guy doesn't go at my chest, like he 'cups' the entire plateful of rice in his mouth like it will magically vanish the next 2 seconds .)

Jai hind

Accepting Indian


varun the cool said...

amazing piece and spoken truly like an indian :p but i think that letter to a delhi boy was just that girl's rant after being dumped by her now ex bf. And the reply remains a reply,a defense mechanism begging not to generalize. Yours is truly the best piece tho. There r many propagated myths which people believe is a reality. :P

Jaynath Sisodiya said...

holly...thats so Big article Monica. Anyways I loved my stay in Karanataka and let me tell you that I been offered a lunch and dinner many times by South Indians. I do agree that all South Indians are not dark. :P

Good Writing.

Sharath said...

Accidently I visited your blog when I was searching for some perfume reviews.... well after reading a few posts, decided to post a comment AKA review on ur writing....;)

Hmmm Gud at expressing ur thoughts in a well furnished way.... reg the Delhi Boys post, juzz unfolded the various facts of North and South regions and cultures.... nicely balanced....

keep blogging....

Hav Fun....